What is LTSG? Well it is an acronym for Letting That Stuff Go or if you’re feeling really spicy or pissed off, Letting That Sh*t Go.
What specifically needs to be let go? That answer really depends on YOU. It could be things that occurred in your relationship, the fact that it did not work out, the fact that they moved on without you, the fact that they are lacking in their responsibilities, etc.
How many times have you said or heard someone say “you look just like your father (or mother)”? If you look at your child and they remind you of a person you seriously dislike, hate, or otherwise have disdain for, do you believe it will have an impact on your relationship with your child? If you say no, maybe you just don’t realize it, but trust me it does. I’ve been on both sides of this fence, so I can speak from experience.
First, let me give you a little background to explain. My parents were married for a few years before I was born. My mom temporarily stopped working in order to become a SAHM (stay at home mom). Fast forward a few years, he had a mistress whom he would regularly meet up with in a neighborhood bar that was less than a block away. Really dad, wth??? My mother found out, confronted them both, etc. She did not play and she was an investigator; not by profession, but because she had the skills to find out anything she wanted or needed to know. Back then there was no internet, social media, etc.
I strongly favored my dad, not in a manly way either. Yes, I could hear the jokes formulating in your minds lol. I favored him as in there was no doubt he provided half of my genetic makeup. When he pissed off my mother, he either didn’t stay or he was not around because he was out “working late” or whatever other excuse he gave. Who was around??? Me, looking like him. She used to take her anger for him out on me sometimes, and I don’t even think she realized it. Even when I was little, I was very observant and paid attention. In my mind, I even chose sides, but I never said anything. When I was growing up, that was considered grown people talk and it could’ve been considered disrespectful if I spoke on it. More importantly though, I didn’t want my mother to feel bad about it, well anymore than she already was due to the circumstances.
I knew my mother well and new when to get out of her way, oh, dad made her mad, time to go outside and play. I didn’t want to become a casualty of that war, the one where she found any reason to get upset with me because I was an easy nearby target for her anger. Now, I know how this may sound. Some of you may be wondering what type of mother did I have, your imagination may even be running wild wondering what happened to me. Don’t let your mind stray too far, I will reveal more later in a different post, because I really don’t want to go far off topic on this particular post. Let’s just say, my childhood would’ve gone a lot smoother if she was able to LTSG. Realistically though, how could she since he was still living inside the home and next to her in bed on the nights he was actually there?
On the flip side, my daughter’s father and I did not work out, which I was actually fine with. I was, however, upset for all of the lies and lack of taking responsibility that I basically was utterly repulsed by his existence. Yes, it was that strong if not stronger. I was in love with my baby though, so beautiful, sweet, and angelic. It wasn’t until she was a toddler when she really made facial expressions that looked exactly like him. Imagine looking at your little angel and being flashed of a reminder of the devil. Yes I really detested him. I felt the shift inside of me, how my mind and body changed when my mind went from my baby to her father. I made a mental promise to myself that I would never allow my feelings for him affect my baby, she was totally innocent in the entire situation.
What could I possibly do to keep my promise considering how strong my negative feelings were for him? I had to LTSG, which was very difficult for me to do. I worked really hard to free my mind, heart, and soul of the hurt, pain, and anger. Although I didn’t forget, I focused on the fact that we created a beautiful baby and she was way more important to me than any grudge I had for his shenanigans. I vowed to change the things I disliked growing up, by not continuing them with my child.
If you read this and it resonates with you to the point that you realize that on some level your children have been affected by things you may have been holding onto, don’t fret. We all make mistakes, some of which we are not always so easily seen. You can only move forward starting now, with a new outlook and perspective. Make a vow to be diligent in not allowing these things to affect your children because they can impact your relationship with them.
LTSG also can be very healing? It is healing because it helps to remove or at the very least reduce the stress, anger, resentment, or any other feelings that otherwise have a negative affect on your mind, body, and overall well being. Life in general can be stressful at times and it is important to release as much of the negativity as possible. It can manifest many ways inside the body through disease, weight gain, weight loss, hair loss, etc. Ultimately, it can even lead to death. Have you ever heard the phrase “stress can kill you”? Well, it can.
Your babies need you, regardless of their ages, because they’ll always be your babies. Their needs may change and they may not need you to the same extent they once did, but they still need you. One of the biggest concerns I had as a single parent was what if something happened to me, who would take care of my baby. In a perfect world, I would have picked my mother, who completely transformed as a grandmother. She was all about my baby, but she unfortunately passed away from cancer when my baby was a toddler. I couldn’t pick my father, he wasn’t responsible enough and had too many issues to overcome, even now to this day.
LTSG because it is time. Time to stop that emotional baggage from holding you back, from affecting relationships, and from causing stress to your mind, body, and soul. You deserve to truly be happy, so you have to move on from all of that dead weight by letting it go.